Lost.

for Reshawn Thurman

There is a cramp in my chest.

But it is my eyes that cry.

My heart bleeds.

I wish his could too.

~

I was actually in halmark, getting a mothersday card when i got the news. I was like yeah right? He's ok though right? No, it's the wrong guy they got him mixed up.

I was in doubt. Didn't want to believe it. Could not believe it. Friends dont die or at least you dont think that, best friends forever thats what we were. You would think like your friends get back up again, and pull through.

Pictures, Videos...memories. That is all that remains and will for ever be a part of me.

Deep down inside i felt slightly guilty. I would have went out friday night, and saw you after, if only i knew it wouldve been the last time. I would never have been upset with you.

Tears just kept rolling, i couldnt think straight all day. My mind crashed i had opened doors to madness. It shocked soo many people. Sooo many people loved you because of who you were. Confident, very-outgoing, friendly, loving. Soo many people were touched by this, shocked, in disbelief.

I just want to hug you again. Have fun again, act goofy. Make up skits, play wii, go out randomly.

The weekend of the Nor 'easter flood was when we grew stronger together. I still think about it. Water was everywhere every street. we were drinking. playing card games. haha

Your confidence rubbed off on others and everyone loved to be around you.

You met so many people, and you are hard to forget! That's just the type of guy you are. You always lived life to the fullest. I sometimes wished i could be like that, free-spirited, confident out -going

"He'll never be as fly as me doe" as you used to love to tell me.

"confident, not cocky"

your random texts. that never quite made sense.

the wiii, we loved to play the wiii even tho you were a sore loser lol.

You set up skype on my computer so that we could talk while you were in petersburg. You named it cassandraibe. I was like wat ? "like i be me" you said. I still sit down, thinking, wishing for a video call still.

I love you. Though times were tough. I still loved you and i hope deep down that you know that.

You will never be forgotten.

and your beautiful daughter, i pray for her. She's so young, but she will grow up to be strong just like you.

I will keep all of my memories of you. for ever.

R.I.P

~

I learned that, just make that time for your friend, cousin whoever, give them a call check up on them because who ever promised you that they will be there tomorrow?

Try not to hold grudges, life is just too short.

Don't let anyone hold you back, just do what you really want to do in life.

and to do your best in whatever you do.

I feel like i have changed mentally. I am alot stronger and definitely more aware about the value of life.

I'm going to bootcamp monday. I just want to use my new strength and be the best i can. if i signed up for it and put my self there, i may as well go all out. and become a strong, confident, (still fly doe) officer. :]

xox